Just like heaven

"Logic will get you from A to Z. Imagination will get you everywhere." Albert Einstein.

She has great imagination. It has always been her thing. It is what helps her overcome her past, endure her present and shape her future.

When she remembers this time her friend got really sick, she gets rid of the memory by imagining her friend all healthy, and during the period of her sickness they weren't at a hospital; they were having a sleepover.

When she recalls that day she was bullied at school, she fancied standing up for herself and being as strong as she should've been; not a coward who ran away without saying a word. 

When she misses the smell of the sea, when she misses its breeze she opens her bedroom window at four AM. She shuts her eyes, listens to the sound of the surrounding silence then replaces it with the sound of the angry waves and she's just there; on a beach of her own. 

When she misses her father who lives abroad, she looks at his picture and smiles. He is here. They are having a walk, holding hands and talking. They are laughing hard. He hugs her tightly. They are enjoying each others' company.

When she gets worried about her career, she gets lost in what she might become. She's five years older and she's working in her dream place. She's popular among her colleagues and she holds this great position. She's at her peak. She's on fire.

When she gets worried about being trapped; about not being able to break the chains and see the world she puts her headphones on and disconnects from people for a while. She's wandering London's streets. Here is the tower Bridge and here is the Buckingham palace. Now she's in Paris. She's in Venice. Rome. Barcelona. Berlin. Amsterdam. Santorini. Beirut. She's everywhere.

Imagination is her blessing. It gets her everywhere. But when she once stopped and recalled all what she had fancied, she saw how perfect all the fancies were. She knew then that her fancies reflected her hopes, and not all what she hopes for will come true.

She then realized that all what she had in her mind; was a picture of herself in heaven. Because only in heaven, does everything come true. 

Have you tried to draw your soul?

" I tried to draw my soul but all I could think of was flowers"

A female artist based one of her works on this quote. I loved the portrait or whatever it is called as the artist really showed great creativity here. However, what I liked the most was the quote itself. Draw my soul? I never tried to draw my soul. I never actually tried to think about what I'm made of; what made me the person I am today and, this is what I think the person who's been quoted tried to do. She tried to know herself better and she decided to refer to everyone she's met and everything she's been through that led her to be whoever she is now as flowers. 

So I decided to copy her; to draw my soul, but all what I could think of was books. I found myself referring to every moment of happiness, every moment of grief, every moment of hope, every moment of disappointment, every moment of strength and every moment of weakness as books. I found myself referring to every wound that healed, every wound that left a scar, everything that broke me, everything that made me mend the broken pieces, every good memory and every painful one as books. I found myself referring to everyone who hurt me and everyone who stood by my side, everyone who left and everyone who believed in me as books.

Books that have been written by the very same author. An author who exerted real efforts to write these books down. Some of them were flawless and others were nothing but an epic fail. Some of them were left incomplete, undefined and inexpressive. Some of them were perfectly planned for and some just weren't. Some of them were written due to the author's desire to write them and others were written because people've forced him to. Books that have numerous stories, characters and places. Books that are full of emotions and lessons learnt the hard way. Books whose main character was the author. The author is me.

What about you? Have you tried to draw your soul?

And figure out what has affected your personality as a whole? 

And understand how everything however small,

Has contributed in building your heart's inner wall? 

Don't forget

It's said that being able to forget specific things is a blessing. Well, of course it is.

Being able to get over some difficult circumstances you'd been through is a blessing.

Getting over some people who weren't really that good to you is a blessing. Forgetting about all the negative thoughts taking over you is a blessing.

 So, let us say that this type of forgetting is closer to moving on and it's definitely God's gift to you; He gives you the power to turn your back on things that you'd never be able to control because they're simply over.

But, what about forgetting what we're supposed to remember;what truly defines who we are and what we want to be? Suddenly and involuntarily, we forget about our true-selves; we forget our capabilities, dreams and ambitions. We lose our self confidence and find ourselves struggling without even knowing what we're struggling for. We just feel...empty. 

This type, has absolutely nothing to do with the word blessing. However, it isn't a curse either; maybe it's another chance to rediscover your abilities and reconsider your ambitions and priorities, maybe it is not. Maybe it's because time and experiences change everything,  and for every single bad experience you had, you'd let go of a part of what defined you. 

 So,don't forget who you really are and where you stand! Don't forget about all the plans you have for a bright future! Don't forget that you're unique at something and that you're certainly not the most screwed up person in the world. Just don't... because once you do, you get lost and nobody will be able to guide you.

من انا؟

A friend of mine wrote this and she gave me the honor of publishing it in my blogger.

اسأل نفسي كل يوم ألف مرة من أكون؟ ومن سأكون؟ هل أنا الناجحة في عملي أم الصديقة الوفية أم الحبيبة المخلصة أم الأم المثابرة؟ أم سأكون لا شيء في هذا العالم أولد  وأعيش و أموت فقط؟ دون أن أترك الأثر الذي لا طالمة حلمت به.

        استيقظ كل يوم بحلم –وهم- جديد ,أحيانا أجد نفسي الأفضل في مجال عملي الحاصلة علي الجائزة الأولي في مشروع نافع للبشرية بينما يجلس والداي وأساتذتي وأقرب أصدقائي فرحيين بإنجازي ,أو حاصلة علي الدكتوراة وأستاذة في أكبر الجامعات العالمية بعد سنين من الجهد والمثابرة. وفي اليوم الثاني استيقظ كأم مكافحة عاملة التي ضحت بجزء من نجاحها في العمل لتضيفه إلي حياة أولادها. ومع كل حلم اسأل نفسي هل هذا أنا؟ هل أملك ما يؤهلني لتحقيق أيٍ منهم مثل الجهد، الصبر، الهدوء، الحماسة والتضحية بوقت أو جهد أو حلم أخر؟
وفي الجانب الخر من العالم –والأكثر واقعية -أجد نفسي في العشرين من عمري ابدأ في دراسة مجال أحببته واخترته بنفسي ولكن لا مجال فيه للتميز إلا لكل متميز في شخصيته وموهوب في أي مجال فني؛ رسم تلوين، تصوير، موسيقى...إلخ بينما أنا أفتقر إلى أي من هذه المواهب.، فأرجع لاسأل نفسي من أكون؟ وهل أنا على الطريق الصحيح لهذا الحلم الواهي الذي لا أعرف في الحقيقة ما هو؟ أم أن الموهبة ستظهر بمرور الوقت، الوقت الذي تأخر كثيرا -على ما أعتقد-؟ وأيٍ من هذه الأحلام سيحقق السعادة المنشودة؟
اتعجب من نفسي فقد كان حلمي أوضح في صغري ولكنه تغير قليلاً وصغر كثيراً، فلماذا يتغير حلمنا كلما كبرنا؟ لماذا ننساه وينسانا؟ لماذا يبتعد عنَا؟ لماذا نضحي به؟ هل لضعف فينا أم قوة منه؟ لماذا لا نعرف من نكون؟  

Super-self

She was desperate. She was fed up with her daily routine. She found out that she was doing nothing useful and that she had no energy to struggle for the things she loved. She wanted to break through, to make a change and to be different. However, she thought she's too weak to do it on her own. Maybe she needed somebody to help? Someone to be the reason for the change? A new best friend  or a true love? A superhuman who'd make her believe in her capabilities?

These thoughts had always invaded her mind, and now she's totally convinced that from the middle of nowhere someone will show up and make her do all the right things she's supposed to have done earlier when she wanted to.

She grabbed a book of short stories. One of the stories included was called seeking self confidence. This one was only nine or ten pages long and it had only two characters: A & B who were in a continuous argument during the whole story. Character A is a pessimist who lacks self confidence, just like herself. Character B is completely the opposite and always looks at things with a different  perspective from A's. 

It was this last conversation between the two characters that touched her the most; when A whined again and B just said: " I don't really understand; how can you believe in God but not believe in his capabilities? I mean being a believer isn't only knowing that He exists. It includes believing in His capabilities, in His power to change everything in a blink of an eye. It means you've got to believe in your own capabilities too because He was the one who granted them to you.  Besides, for  every time you feel down why are you always waiting for someone to lift you up? Why aren't you there for yourself when you need YOU the most? You are victimizing yourself and if you don't do something about it, nobody else will interfere simply because it is your own life and you're the one who's supposed to make it worthy."

She figured out in the end of the story that both characters were nothing but echoing sounds in human's ears; which meant that they were just conversations everybody has inside their minds from one to time to another. 

It isn't that a story has changed her life or anything, but it affected her deeply. She realized that she'd always allowed her character A to take over. She decided to see things differently, which when she did, her life changed. 

She's sure now that she'd never been in need of a superhuman. She just needed her superself and now that she's started to glow, she is certain that the reason why her life's changed is because she believed. In everything. 

لنا في الخيال حياه

لا اري الخيال الا كنعمة انعم الله بها علي كثير من عباده. فالقدرة علي خلق واقع افتراضي يحتوي علي اشخاص تحدثهم و يحدثونك و يحتوي ايضا علي مواقف غير حقيقية ,تساعدك - من رأيي - ان تتخطي كل ما هو قبيح في العالم الموازي.


.و حينما أشعر بالضيق, أطلق لخيالي العنان. اري نفسي جالسة علي الشط وحدي اقرأ كتابا او اكتب لأعبر عما بداخلي و انا استمع الي صوت الموج و الهواء
 أراني مرة اخري علي الشط و لكن في هذة المرة أركض و يركض بجواري كلبي في الصباح الباكر. أراني واقفة علي خشبة مسرح . في دار الاوبرا او ساقية الصاوي احيي التصفيق الحاد للجماهير بعد انتهائي من الغناء ببراعة. أراني جالسة علي مكتب في مقر مجلتي المفضلة اكتب مقالتي الجديدة و أتلقي ردود الافعال علي مقالتي السابقة. اري نفسي جالسة في الستوديو الصغير الخاص بي اقوم بالعزف علي  الالات الموسيقية المفضلة لدي والتي تتضمن العود و الجيتار و البيانو.
اراني اتجول في شوارع القاهرة القديمة و بحوذتي الكاميرا الخاصة بي التقط صورا للمارة و الأماكن الأثرية و المساجد. أراني امارس كرة السلة و اشارك في بطولاتها العالمية و احصد العديد من الجوائز. أراني واقفة امام قصر باكنجهام في لندن او برج ايفيل في باريس,اراني استمتع بجمال الطبيعة في اسكتلندا أو اليونان.

أراني شخصا مختلفا, و المجهود الذي تتطلبه تلك الرؤية هو ان اقوم باغماض عيني لبضع دقائق فقط اذهب فيها الي عالم اخر غير ذلك العالم الذي اعيش فيه ,ثم أعود مرة اخري الي الواقع: اصاب بعدها بالاكتئاب احيانا بسبب اختلاف الواقع عن عالمي الافتراضي, و اشعر بالسعادة احيانا اخري حينما اقوم باستمداد طاقتي من هذا العالم الافتراضي.
لذلك: اني اطلب منك ان تتخيل و ان تسمح لعقلك و قلبك ان يزورا اماكن ما كانا  ليزوراها في الواقع. تخيل حتي تشعر بالتغيير الذي تعجز عن الشعور به بسبب الروتين اليومي و القيود. تخيل لأن لك في الخيال حياه.

The Power Of What You've Never Felt

" These things don't exist only because you've never seen them " From Life Of Pi.
I was having a look at the photos on my mobile phone when I found a screenshot of this quote. It took me a while to process it, think about it and find out whether I agree with whom said it or not.

Actually I don't. Simply because I believe in Allah, in his messengers and prophets, in the angels, in paradise and in hell. I believe in love, hatred, justice and peace. Aren't these the most powerful things a person can believe in? However, they aren't visible but felt. As long as you feel their effect and the huge impact they leave on you, then this is an enough proof that they exist.

That's why I believe: These things don't exist only because you've never tried to feel them.
A proof? The existence of the things you believe they don't exist might be real for some other person just because he/she feels it.

The self-confidence you think you don't have, doesn't show to you because you've never given yourself the chance to search for it and that's why you believe it doesn't exist. While other people have decided to search for it inside you instead. They've found it, felt it and to them you're the most self confident person on earth.

The strong personality you believe you hadn't acquired, doesn't show to you as you don't believe in yourself. On the other hand, you may be surrounded by so many other people who had never and will never stop believing in your power and abilities.

The beauty you suppose you lack, doesn't show to you since you haven't thought about how miraculous your creation is because you were created by Him. Someone has definitely found you the most beautiful because they've decided to see what lies beneath your imperfections.

The point I want to make is that everything is dependent on this feeling or this belief you have inside. You are what you believe you are. It's always been inside you. It's always been about you.