Highlight of the year.

It's almost 2014 and people are celebrating this new year differently by reminding each others of their childhood memories and the old facebook posts. I'll be celebrating it differently as well because it would be my first time to write about how my year went. I don't know why I've decided to think about what I did in the end of the year instead of judging my actions daily,weekly or even monthly.

Anyhow, apart from all the political events, 2013 was one of the weirdest years in the nineteen years I've lived. I'd never been that confused. I'd never suffered that much from lack of self-confidence. I overthought about every single detail in my life which led me to deep depression. To cut it short, I was a mess! That's why 2013 wasn't only a weird year but an unpleasant one to me as well.

However, and regardless what I went through, I did benefit a lot. The fact that I was in such a miserable condition, made me try the only thing I hadn't done to feel better; getting close to Him again.  I attempted talking to my friends, talking to my parents even ignoring everything that bothered me then, and all of these attempts were in vain. I started to work hard to please Him.I started to get closer and for every step I took towards Him, I was overwhelmed with relief and relaxation. Like magic.

I didn't stop thinking about the issues I had, but thought why He made them happen; the reason why they happened not the issues themselves. I became more sure that if I was rejected by everybody, He'd still be there to listen. He'd  accept me just because I turned to him. This great thing I came up with in 2013, is the highlight of the year. Simply because it's the thing that will always give me the push I need; the thing that will always keep me moving forward.

This doesn't mean 2014 would be a perfect year. I will feel down. I'll feel frustrated and depressed, maybe hated. But at least I know the cure. I know that He'll be there to lift me up.

The best version of " you "

I've always believed that I'm a perfection seeker. I want people to be always impressed by what  I say and do. I want to be this type of girl people feel fun to be around, the type of girl people praise in her absence, the girl who people find amazing, lively and flawless. This made me think of the steps I'm supposed to follow in order to make them feel that way; how I should act or how I should speak.

The idea was nothing but a useless constraint on my whole life . I couldn't act freely o and randomly as always. When I realized how stupid these thoughts were, the first thing that occurred to my mind was the sentence everybody believes in; " nobody is perfect ". Therefore there's no need to seek perfection because it's a thing I'd never be able to achieve.

I kept trying to apply what I came up with until last Friday. Someone was talking about how to deal with kids and she said ( I don't remember the exact words ) :
" متخليش الطفل يحط نفسه في قالب مش بتاعه عشان انت تقوله انه شاطر او عشان تجيبله حاجة حلوة"
For more explanation; maybe the kid you're dealing with doesn't even like the thing he/she is doing but he/she is doing it so that he/she hears you praising him/her.

Applying this to my case, I came up with a new theory. Perfection can be achieved by anyone. Our main problem is that we've never thought about it from our own perspective but from other people's perspective. We are worried about how the others will see us although what's more important is how we see ourselves. So YOU can be perfect with everything you got. Just make good use of what makes you special and start the journey of being the best version of you.

Happiness is ... the little things.

Precede reading each sentence of the coming ones by closing your eyes for a while. A newly born baby holding your finger, a child smiling at your face, your parents' hug, the conversations you have with your grandparents, the look of pride your parents have for you, reading Qur'an and feeling like Allah is talking to you, sitting on the beach during sunset or sunrise, walking under the rain, recalling memories with your childhood friends, when a friend of yours knows you're feeling down without you telling him/her, when you know that someone has said a good thing about you during your absence.

How can these things affect any of us? Positively I suppose? Make us feel well? Happy? Maybe ALIVE?

How simple these things are! What efforts or cost would it take anyone to do any of the things I've mentioned? Absolutely nothing.

They are " the little things " ladies & gentlemen. A definition? A set of words or actions that are so simple to be said or done yet they make you feel like you're in the seventh heaven. They are tiny details that have so many great meanings in them and to me, they mean the most. That's why I've never been able to ignore such details whenever any of my friends asked me to, justifying this by that it would be mentally exhausting. I can't deny it isn't but, every single detail to me is an indication or a proof to something or a gate to some hardly recalled memories.

The greatness of these details doesn't usually lie in them, but in what you feel after they happen, ultimate happiness. 

The one and only

While checking my blogger, I've realized that I'd written eleven essays about so many things I was taught during the past few years. However, I've also realized that there is such an important topic I haven't written about yet about which this essay will be. I'll write about the one I love most; the closet one to me in life.

The one who literally changed my life to the better and guided me through my way. Changed my path and put me in the correct road towards whatever I want to achieve. Has shown me the right and the wrong and left me the freedom to choose between them. Has always been there to lift me up when nobody else has. Sends me so many messages whenever I'm about to mess up. Sometimes puts obstacles in my way to teach me how to be strong. Whenever I feel lonely or unloved, I remember that He's there which is more than enough. He's trustworthy and He never rejects my requests.

However annoying I might be to everyone,He has never found me annoying. On the contrary, whenever I ask for help or advice, He listens and never gets bored. Whenever I talk to Him and even if I'm feeling so much down, I just feel so relieved and confident, as if my refresh button has been selected. I've displeased Him hundreds of times, however, every time I apologize He accepts my apology. Sometimes I seek happiness and strength away from Him, but then I find out how wrong I was and return to Him to find Him accepting me back! Actually, He's never turned me down. In the darkest times, He's always there to send me some signs of hope. 

He loves me and He's so close to me. You know? He's so close to you as well. He's done the same things to you and sends you the same messages everyday. I think you should have known Him by now. Allah.

Allah is the one who loves you more than anybody else does simply because He's the one who MADE you!

You're His slave. Allah is the one who created you to make this earth a good place to live in. He didn't create you to torture you in Dunya or to see you miserable, on the contrary, He wants you to be happy in Dunya and in Al-Akhera too. That's why He wants you to be close to Him . That's why when you disobey Him, He'll be waiting for you to repent.That's why when you decide to turn back to Him, he forgives you however hardhearted you were.That's why whenever you pray to Him, He's there to make it come true. 

Allah is great, and whoever hasn't tried walking down Allah's road has missed a lot indeed. Just give it a try, I SWEAR you won't regret it and you won't be able to choose a different path afterwards. Love Him, love Him deeply because He deserves your love not only your fear. 

" Now I know how it's like to have a precious love in my life, now I know how it feels to finally be at peace inside, I wish that everybody knew how amazing it feels to love you, and I wish that everyone could see how your love has set me free, set me free and made me strong" Maher Zain - I love you so.

هيحصلك ايه؟

فكرة "هيحصلك ايه" جاتلي لما حصل معايا موقف معين -مش فاكرة الموقف ده دلوقتي - خلي واحد اعرفه -بس مش اوي- يقولي انه شايفني عنيفة او بلطجية من الاخر بس هو اتكسف يقولها.انا ساعتها اضيقت نسبيا مش عشان هو شايفني كده بس لأنه مش اول مرة يقولها و بقي بيقولها علي الفاضي و المليان كل ما يشوفني ف وشه تقريبا.
اكتر جملة كانت ف دماغي ساعتها "وانت مالك" يعني حتي لو انا عنيفة ده ممكن يكون عاملك مشكلة ف ايه؟ هيحصلك ايه يعني لو بطلت ترميلي نفس الكلمتين كل شوية؟ 
لو احنا طبقنا نفس الكلام علي نفسنا هنلاقي ان احنا بنعمل حاجة شبه كدة.  نازلين تريقة علي خلق الله و بنقول تعليقات سخيفة ملهاش اي لازمة عن اي حد ولا كأننا مفيناش عيوب!!

مش بنستفيد حاجة غير اننا بنضحك و ننبسط 5 دقايق مثلا شوف بناخد عليهم ذنب قد ايه! يعني الموضوع مش ممتع اصلا, عشان كدة لازم نبطل العادة دي و علي فكرة هنعيش يعني مش هيحصلنا حاجة!يعني مثلا, هيحصلك ايه لو بطلت تجيب ف سيرة الناس؟ هيحصلك ايه لو بطلت تعاكس بنت او تعلق علي طريقة مشيتها او لبسها لمجرد انها شكلها بالنسبالك مستفز؟!هيحصلك ايه لو بطلت تقول علي البنت اللي عندها حدود ف كل حاجة و بتتعامل باحترام معقدة؟ هيحصلك ايه لو بطلتي تتريقي علي البنت  اللي لبسها مش عاجبك؟ 

هيحصلك ايه لو بطلت تقول علي حد "بيئة" بس عشان هو من مستوي اجتماعي مختلف عن مستواك؟ هيحصلك ايه لو بطلت تقول علي المنقبة خيمة؟ يا سيدي انت مش مقتنع بالنقاب هي مقتنعة بيه!هيحصلك ايه لو بطلت تحرج الناس بكلامك ؟ هيحصلك ايه لو بطلت تقول علي بنت انها مش محترمة لمجرد ان في اشاعة بتقول كده؟! طب هو انت اتعاملت معاها عشان 
تعرف تحكم علي شخصيتها !هيحصلك ايه لو بطلت تتريق علي طريقة كلام فلان؟ و هي طريقته دي مضيقاك ف ايه يعني؟!

هيحصلك ايه لو بطلت تستخف دمك علي صاحبك و تطلع كل عيوبه قدام الناس؟ ما يمكن هو بيضايق بس مش بيقول علي اعتبار ان انت المفروض تحس لوحدك. هيحصلك ايه لو بطلت تشتم عمال علي بطال؟ هيحصلك ايه لو بطلت تصنف الملتزم  علي انه متخلف؟
هيحصلك ايه لو بطلت تستحقر اي حد ارائه السياسية مختلفة عن ارائك؟او دماغه مختلفة عن دماغك عامة؟ مش مطلوب منك انك تقبل رأيه او تقتنع بيه بس كفاية انك تفهم ان مش كل الناس بتفكر زيك. هيحصلك ايه لو بطلت تستهتر باحساس الي حواليك؟

اللي انا عايزة اقوله انه في ناس ممكن تاخد الحاجات دي ببساطة بس في ناس تانية مش كدة. الحاجات دي بتستفزها و انا واحدة منهم عامة و بيبقي معانا حق عشان هي فعلا حاجات مستفزة! و من الاخر مش هيحصلك حاجة لو قررت انك متهتمش بيها عشان هي اساسا متخصكش. والله حياتنا هتبقي احسن شوية لو كل واحد خلي الجزء الاكبر ف حياته ليه علاقة بيه هو مش بالناس

Why "breaking free" ?

Has any of you thought about the blog's name? I mean haven't you wondered why I've called it breaking free? Well,I should have written this earlier but this is what I am writing about today.

Let me first remind you of what the previous five posts were talking about.

In case you noticed , my previous posts were talking about the problems I've been facing since the end of my senior year at school. They were talking about how leaving school and not being able to see my teachers,my best friends and my colleagues as much as before, affected me deeply. About how meeting new people at university and adapting to them and their way of thinking was such a difficult thing for me to do. About my fear of acting myself just because others may not feel interested in my personality. As you can see , none of these is a positive thought. I can even remember that when I wrote my first post , a colleague told me that it was very depressing and he was right.This is because I decided to create that blog for some reasons ; to reveal what I really feel because writing is what I usually turn to when I feel bad and I was really depressed when I started to write. Moreover, to find something to do in my leisure time.And the most important reason , is to FREE myself. Free myself from all those negative thoughts which took over me and turned me into a different person than whom I really am.Because for me and after looking at them from a different perspective, such ideas were nothing but chains hindering me from moving on. Preventing me from enjoying the beginning of a new chapter in my life;the most important chapter on which my future depends.They were obstacles in my way towards my biggest dreams.But how can I break those chains? How can I get over those obstacles? It began with facing myself that nobody has put those ideas in my mind,I was the one who did so. Therefore,I chained myself. I am the one who opened the door to this prison and all what I had to do is just to escape.Escape by believing in my abilities. By caring more about what I think about myself and less about what people think about me .By keeping all the bitter memories aside as long as they cause me nothing but pain and keeping all the sweet ones which make me delighted in my heart.By remembering that this way of thinking won't help me overcome my fear of this new unknown chapter , it will just make this fear grow more.By remembering that the existence of some people in my life will help me to conquer the obstacles however tough they are.Above all , by believing that ALLAH made me feel that way for a specific reason, maybe because he wanted me to be more self-confident and more certain of myself.

Finally, YOU can be your first enemy if you don't know how to control your thoughts and if you allow them to imprison you the same way mine did to me.You are your first enemy if you allow them to cripple you and to take away your self confidence.So,believe in yourself more and don't you ever permit the echo of your negative thoughts to take over you.

Do you get it now? Why I called it breaking free? :')